As a shy, introverted child, even though I grew up in a large joint family and an even larger extended family on my parents' side, I remained a loner most of my life.

My introduction to loneliness is as old as I am, and it goes back to the time when, amidst huge family gatherings and community events, I would feel lost.

Was I a case of non-inclusion, or did I deliberately choose solitude?

I guess it was the former for most of my young adult life my struggle was to find my way into the friends, cousins and relatives circle I was never allowed in; I was part of the circle but not the inner circle and everyone in my network seemed to have one. Then when I passed age 40 that I woke up to the beauty of a solitude of my own choosing.

The choosing: It was difficult for me to walk up to people and initiate a conversation and more difficult to partake in a conversation that holds no depth, for example, the gossip in the gatherings about how an aunt managed to purchase a designer saree despite her husband's income may not have left her with anything extra, because I didn't contribute much except for some nods and hums, my relatives stereotyped me as cold, distant and aloof. I was therefore politely excluded from the invisible inner circles and met with silence when I made futile attempts to find my way inside.